Memories in Bali’s Review

Memories in Bali

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/acc_randoms/

Reviewed by m_girl07 @ Crepuscular Tears

Title: 4/5

-I thought the title suited your one-shot well. They were somewhat creating memories of their own in Bali but at the same time, Donghae was remembering past memories. So this title can go both ways=).

Poster/Background: 10/10

-When I first clicked on your story, I loved the poster and the colours that you chose. Well, the poster that you have right now isn’t really a part of the one-shot that I was reviewing but I believe that if you were able to match them so well with that one, you would do the same with the others.

Forewords: 9/10

-I know it’s hard to know what to put in the forewords because you don’t want to reveal too much because…well, it’s a one-shot so it’s shorter than usual. By telling people who the main character is and giving a brief summary, I thought that was a good idea. You even left an author’s note=).

Plot: 14/15

-I think the plot was very well done. You explained everything and didn’t leave anything out. You explained how they both got there, why Bali holds so many memories for Donghae, etc. There wasn’t anything surprising and you were even able to throw a little something conflicting (Eun Soo drowning).

Creativity/Originality: 7/10

-I’ve actually seen this type of story before a few times; where a celebrity goes away on vacation and meets a regular person and befriends them. But I loved the way you wrote everything and was able to bring out the mood. I saw the same storylines in DBSK’s Vacation series and the K-movie ‘Romantic Island’ (great movie by the way^^).

Flow: 10/10

-I thought your flow was almost perfect. Like I said about the plot, you didn’t leave anything unexplained and seem to bring them out at the right times. And nothing seemed to contradict itself, good job=D!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8.5/10

-I don’t know if you remember me but I reviewed your other story “Forever Love” at another request site and I feel that you improved a lot! Your grammar and vocabulary is much more developed and you didn’t make a lot of mistakes. I still found a few things here and there but great improvement!

“…were here working their their butts out crossed her mind.” (Chapter 1)

-I think having “their” repeated twice was a typo but I just thought I’d point it out to you=).

“But she did unlocked the door with her keys.” (Chapter 2)

-“Unlocked” should be “unlock” because by putting “ed”, it means it already happened.

“Once again, silence fall between them.” (Chapter 4)

-“Fall” should be “fell”

“I’m glad to meet you here.” (Chapter 4)

- To make more sense, this sentence should be reworded to: “I’m glad I met you here” or “I’m to have met you here”.

Characterization: 9/10

-It’s hard to fully develop characters in one-shots but with yours, I’m able to feel what their personalities are like through their actions and the way they speak towards others. Their personalities seem to fit them perfectly too=p.

Writing Style: 8/10

-I liked your writing style because you balanced dialogue with narrating. There’s only one thing that I would tell you to be careful with. There are times where you make your sentences really short which is okay to use once in a while to make a point clear but sometimes you do it too much. It can either replace I with a comma or semi-colon or mix the two sentences together.

Example: “It was his only connection with his first love, and today, was her death anniversary. He leaned back.”

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

-I really enjoyed your story and I also liked the fact that it was a one-shot so it was short and sweet^^.

Bonus: 5/5

-Like I said, I enjoyed your story and I’m going to give you a bonus for improving from your last fanfic and for including Super Junior=).

Total: 89.5/100