Consequences’s Review

Title: Consequences
Author: Ice Queen
URL: winglin.net/fanfic/Ice_Queen2
Reviewer: Darkess

Title: 5/5

Consequences. It fits perfectly with the whole story, and every scene in the tale. Great title choice.

Poster/Background: 9/10

I love the quote, and how the title pops off. The bg does not go anywhere near interfering with the text, which is always an added bonus. I onlyl wish that Arron could have been in better quality.

Forewords: 10/10

You put a really short intro, the characters, and even a soundtrack for your story. I don’t get to see all three together often. I love that you actually put the literal meaning of consequences at the beginning, and then started off with him listening to a song that described the story you were about to write.

Plot: 11/15

I’m actually glad that Hebe Left Arron in this story. If a guy is trying to push you away in front of his friends and his “fans” and saying that he doesn’t even have a girlfriend, or basically to your face, you better ditch that boy before he breaks your heart directly to your face. I’m glad that she ended up with someone that would treat her right. Well anyways XD I dunno, I was really sad for Hebe together though. But he’s right in his last sentence. Lonliness and fame go hand in hand. I mean, people get married and the paparazzi is trying to find holes in their relationship, just trying to tear them apart. You portraye d that side of the story really well. I’m trying to tell you something that is wrong with it… it’s hard T.T

Creativity/Originality: 6/10

Famous people with a non famous person is really common in fanfiction nowadays. Heck, I read one just yesterday. But you made it so that they did not end up together, which… never happens on winglin. The unhappy ending was definately unique. Then again, one of the cast being in a long distance relationship and moving on is also… common. I do think that you pieced individual ideas together well.

Flow: 8/10

I loved how you put flashbacks and everything into your story, but there were so many that it might be hard for some people to figure out what happened, and what’s happening now.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10

You had a few spelling mistakes, but hey, who doesn’t? In the beginning section you put “his eyes widdened” when it should be widened. Around the middle you wrote “Summer rolled along as well Fahrenheit’s summer tour” which should contain the word ‘as’ after well. “He sighed and answered Jiro.”" You actually did put a quotation mark after the next to last sentence in the story. That was all I saw though.

Characterization: 8/10

BEBU! XDDD Ok, even though I loved your character choices, you still didn’t really describe them as much as you maybe should have. Without the pictures on the banner, and If I hadn’t known about Arron and Hebe before, I would have had absolutely no idea what they looked like. You did, however, capture their personalities well, like Arron squeezing her and smiling in the picture that they had taken together, and Hebe’s running away and being angry after Arron said to the paparazzi that he would never date her.

Writing Style: 7/10

I love the way that you put smaller details every so often into your story, just enough so that people can picture the story setting, but I also see this type of style in few other stories as well… but that might just be other stories of yours that I read o.0. I love your dialogue though. It seems very realistic, and I can actually see teenagers saying things that you wrote. It isn’t corny or cheesy, it’s real.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Pwah. I love this story. A) becuase it has a sad ending B) because it seems like it could happen C) It was just GOOD XD

Bonus: 2/5

I gave you bonus points for finally making a story where the two main characters don’t end up together

Total: 80/100